


Stupid™

by iSinnamonRoll (orphan_account)



Category: IT (2017), IT - Stephen King
Genre: Multi
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-11-03
Updated: 2017-11-27
Packaged: 2019-01-28 16:57:38
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 5,736
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12611156
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/iSinnamonRoll
Summary: An IT group chat fic (obviously takes place in the future). All members of the losers club are around 14-15. Pennywise does not exist and little Georgie is alive and thriving!





	1. Go To Sleep

**eddie_k_346 added b-b-billy, mikey way, eggboy, january embers, eddie spaghetti, and stan**

 

 

eddie_k_346: welcome

 

 

eddie_k_346: wait

 

 

**eddie_k_346 changed eddie spaghetti’s name to tmt**

 

 

tmt: the fuck does that mean

 

 

eddie_k_346: trashmouth tozier

 

 

january embers: nice

 

 

tmt: fuck you

 

 

eggboy: wHy DiD yOu MaKe ThIs ThO

 

 

eddie_k_346: do you not want a group chat?? smh

 

 

stan: nope

 

 

**stan has left the chat**

 

 

tmt: not on my watch

 

 

**tmt has added stan to the chat**

 

 

tmt: there we go

 

 

eddie_k_346: thanks

 

 

tmt: np babe ;^)

 

 

eddie_k_346: i take it back

 

 

b-b-billy: do you guys ever sleep?

 

 

january embers: praise the lord

 

 

eggboy: for our father has entered

 

 

tmt: **mother

 

 

b-b-billy: stfu

 

 

b-b-billy: again,,,

 

 

b-b-billy: do you guys ever sleep?

 

 

tmt: no

 

 

eddie_k_346: i only sleep whenever richie shuts his mouth

 

 

eggboy: ;^)

 

 

stan: so,,,

 

 

stan: never then?

 

 

january embers: my poor, poor son

 

 

january embers: how much sleep have you lost?

 

 

eddie_k_346: too much  *sheds tear*

 

 

**tmt changed eddie_k_346’s name to crybaby**

 

 

crybaby: no

 

 

tmt: yes

 

 

crybaby: no

 

 

b-b-billy: gUYS

 

 

b-b-billy: …

 

 

b-b-billy: stop flirting

 

 

tmt: i hate you all

 

 

mikey way: wanna know who hates you all the most?

 

 

mikey way: me

 

 

mikey way: go the fuck to sleep

 

 

eddie_k_346: sowwy mike

 


	2. Mother?

tmt: rise and shine fuckers

 

 

january embers: it’s 5:23 am

 

 

eggboy: you know what that means

 

 

eggboy: couples who don’t sleep together, stay together

 

 

january embers: that doesn’t sound quite right babe

 

 

tmt: shut up

 

 

crybaby: gASP

 

 

crybaby: richie didn’t use a cuss word??

 

 

crybaby: what an achievement

 

 

tmt: **shut the fuck up

 

 

january embers: notice how eddie doesn’t deny the couples thing

 

 

eggboy: yEs

 

 

crybaby: sdfkjlasdj

 

 

crybaby: #denied

 

 

crybaby: i may be gay but not gay for that shit

 

 

tmt: *sheds a single tear* it’s time

 

 

stan: YOU’RE GAY??

 

 

january embers: notice how stan only replies when eddie comes out

 

 

b-b-billy: stan we’ve all been friends since like the first grade how did you not figure this out

 

 

stan: ???

 

 

**january embers changed stan’s name to clueless**

 

 

january embers: let’s count the gays

 

 

crybaby: chOke

 

 

tmt: ayyyyy

 

 

clueless: lksdhfshafsj um

 

 

b-b-billy: *raises hand*

 

 

crybaby: RICHIE YOU’RE GAY??

 

 

b-b-billy: again,,, first grade people

 

 

crybaby: BILL YOU’RE GAY??

 

 

b-b-billy: first grade

 

 

crybaby: STAN YOU’RE,,,,,,,, GAY?

 

 

clueless: KSDJOWEKMDAKSNJ

 

 

b-b-billy: first grade

 

 

january embers: so imagine this group of four little 7-year-olds

 

 

january embers: just became friends

 

 

january embers: little did they know that they are all gay

 

 

eggboy: make a story out of that

 

 

crybaby: ?? what would the plot line even be

 

 

january embers: idk maybe you and richie could fall in love

 

 

eggboy: i’m in

 

 

crybaby: ew tf why do me and richie have to get together

 

 

tmt: yeah why can’t it be bill and stan or smthn

 

 

clueless: i’m-

 

 

crybaby: honestly tho can’t i end up falling in love with shrek

 

 

tmt: #mood

 

 

january embers: nope it’s been decided

 

 

eggboy: who’s gonna write this??

 

 

mikey way: i have good experience with writing fanfiction so i obviously have to

 

 

crybaby: MIKEY

 

 

crybaby: wait no what

 

 

crybaby: MIKE DON’T DO THIS

 

 

tmt: plot twist both eddie and his mom fall in love with me

 

 

tmt: i choose his mom

 

 

tmt: just to clarify i mean,,,

 

 

b-b-billy: das gay

 

 

clueless: i give up on all of yo u

 

 

mikey way: okay nvm i have stranger things fanfiction to write so,,,

 

 

mikey way: reddie can sink for now

 

 

tmt: did you just create a sadklfjlaksdjlf jds SHI P N AM E

 

 

eggboy: hell yeah

 

 

eggboy: i mean no what you must write this for us good sir

 

 

january embers: pls mike my boy

 

 

b-b-billy: is everyone ignoring the fact he is writing stranger things fanfiction

 

 

tmt: will x demogorgon

 

 

crybaby: sto p

 

 

tmt: dustin x dart

 

 

crybaby: STOP

 

 

mikey way: haha u thought

 

 

mikey way: it’s actually will x mike so

 

 

eggboy: haha that sounds like a self insert

 

 

crybaby: WHAT THE FCUK

 

 

crybaby: QHO EVEN SHIPS THAT

 

 

tmt: here he goes

 

 

crybaby: IT’S MIKE X ELEVEN YOU NUGGET

 

 

mikey way: haha u thought x2

 

 

b-b-billy: okay i’m actually curious as to why you ship that

 

 

mikey way: okay bev cover your ears spoilers from s2 are coming

 

 

mikey way: i mean-

 

 

tmt: this is text my friend

 

 

mikey way:   

 

 

mikey way: anyways,,,,

 

 

mikey way: mike was there for will so much whenever he was having his episodes?? like lucas just wanted a girlfriend and dustin was out looking for dart with steve which was hIS MISTAKE

 

 

mikey way: ahem

 

 

mikey way: and honestly mike and will would be so awesome?? like these two bros liked each other and didn’t even know

 

 

crybaby: ….

 

 

crybaby: invalid

 

 

tmt: leave it up to the straight guy to ship something gay and a gay guy to ship something straight amirite

 

 

b-b-billy: now now now eddie did you really make this chat just to have a ship war

 

 

crybaby: alksdfjlajf;akjdlfj

 

 

crybaby: i don’t want your lectures mother

 

 

eggboy: oof

 

 

b-b-billy: i ToLd YoU tO sToP cAlLiNg Me ThAt AgEs AgO

 

 

crybaby: m o t h e r

 

 

**tmt changed b-b-billy’s name to mommy**

 

 

mommy: fuck you all

 

 

eggboy: they’re a dynamic duo you’ll never stop them now

 

 

crybaby: mommy where is daddy

 

 

tmt: yes where is stan

 

 

eggboy: OOF

 

 

mommy: lakdjfklasjdakl

 

 

clueless: what in the h-e-double-hockey-sticks

 

 

**crybaby changed clueless’s name to daddy**

 

 

tmt: nice one eddie spaghetti

 

 

crybaby: thanks

 

 

daddy: are you guys saying this for a reason bc i’m flattered but-

 

 

daddy: OKAY I’VE COME TO A REALIZATION IT WAS FOR A DIFFERENT REASON

 

 

mommy: i’m-

 

 

tmt: so are we adopted or what

 

 

crybaby: he means,,,,

 

 

crybaby: **did you fuck or what

 

 

eggboy: O O F

 

 

daddy: this is exactly the reason why i never come on this group chat

 

 

mommy: haha fun fact did you know that mike isn’t the only one who hates you

 

 

eggboy: WAIT JUST LIKE STAN I HAVE COME TO A REALIZATION

 

 

mommy: ??

 

 

eggboy: if eddie and richie are your sons does that make their relationship incest??

 

 

crybaby: oh come on

 

 

mikey way: just came back but notice earlier how eddie didn’t correct richie when he said eddie spaghetti

 

 

mommy: little gay son just got #calledout

 

 

daddy: bill you’re not helping our situation

 


	3. Texting in Class

crybaby: god i hate english

 

  
tmt: go learn spanish then

 

  
crybaby: stfu

 

  
tmt: and why are you texting in class

 

  
crybaby: i should ask you the same thing tozier

 

  
mommy: will you both just shut the fuck up you’re going to get me in trouble

 

  
**mommy changed their name to bill nye**

 

  
tmt: fuck you science boi

 

  
bill nye: i would like to inform you that mr denbrough has gotten his phone taken away, and that you will both be sent to detention unless you put your phones away and get to work

 

 

crybaby: umm

 

  
tmt: yeah right nice try billy

 

  
bill nye: mr tozier, i will tell ms zuckerman of your whereabouts and phone activity

 

  
tmt: ??

 

  
bill nye: get back to your work and stop texting in class

 

  
tmt: jesus sorry

 

  
crybaby: sorry ms/mr teacher

 

  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

 

january embers: yo i just got into marina and the diamonds and i am #blessed

 

january embers: also nice you three i knew it would always be you to get caught texting in class

 

  
tmt: yeah well we don’t have class anymore so fuck off

 

  
daddy: delinquents

 

  
daddy: UGH

 

  
**daddy changed their name to stan**

 

  
**tmt changed stan’s name to daddy**

 

  
**daddy changed their name to stan**

 

  
**stan changed tmt’s name to eddie lover**

 

  
eddie lover: you got me there

 

  
bill nye: ONE DAY

 

  
bill nye: you won’t deny it when eddie is present

 

  
crybaby: deny what?

 

  
**eddie lover changed their name to eddie’s mom lover**

 

  
crybaby: too long

 

  
eddie’s mom lover: that’s what she said

 

  
stan: congrats on getting your phone taken earlier billy

 

  
january embers: stan “i’m sick of eddie and richie’s shit” uris

 

  
bill nye: oh no that was me

 

  
crybaby: ,,,,

 

  
crybaby: what

 

  
bill nye: i only did that so you two would shut up

 

  
eddie’s mom lover: tell me you’re kidding or i stg i’ll go demogorgon on your ass

 

  
bill nye: i’m not kidding

 

  
crybaby: lmao richie got punked

 

  
bill nye: on that sour note

 

  
bill nye: anyone wanna come over to my house tonight? i’m thinking of having a movie marathon

 

  
stan: well i mean unless your parents think you’re gay then that might be a problem

 

  
bill nye: it’s true tho

 

  
**january embers changed bill nye’s name to gay**

 

  
**january embers changed stan’s name to gay**

 

  
**january embers changed eddie’s mom lover’s name to gay**

 

  
**january embers changed crybaby’s name to gay**

 

  
gay: oh boy

 

  
gay: here we go

 

  
gay: get fUcked

 

  
gay: wait since no one knows who i am i can say this

 

  
gay: i’m gay for someone in this group chat?? who knew

 

  
gay: same

 

  
gay: same

 

  
gay: fuck

 

  
gay: same x200

 

  
**gay changed their name to bill nye**

 

  
**gay changed their name to stan**

 

  
**gay changed their name to richayylmao**

 

  
**gay changed their name to angel?**

 

  
richayylmao: now now eddie we know that’s not true

 

  
january embers: GUYS IS NO ONE ACKNOWLEDGING THE FACT THAT ALL FOUR OF THESE KIDS ARE GAY FOR EACH OTHER

 

  
mikey way: bev what have you don e

 

  
angel?: lmao it’s okay guy fieri’s hiding in the group chat somewhere so i think i’m okay

 

  
bill nye: so off of the fact that we’re all extremely gay

 

  
bill nye: my offer still stands??

 

  
angel?: i can ask my mom but it’s most likely

 

  
january embers: sure billy

 

  
richayylmao: my mom’ll say yes either way so yeah

 

  
eggboy: i’m getting sick you guys so i don’t think i should go

 

  
january embers: aw hope you feel better hon

 

  
angel?: ben and bev are relationship goals tbh

 

  
angel?: just add some,,,

 

  
angel?: y’know,,,

 

  
richayylmao: gay?

 

  
angel?: yes

 

  
eggboy: richie and eddie are relationship goals tbh

 

  
january embers: just take away a little,,,

 

  
january embers: y’know,,,

 

  
eggboy: gay?

 

  
richayylmao: gUys fUck oFf

 

  
bill nye: stop the gay i need answers people

 

  
bill nye: mike n stan?

 

  
stan: yeah sure bro i can go

 

  
bill nye: mike?

 

  
bill nye:

 

  
stan:

 

  
richayylmao:

 

  
angel?:

 

  
eggboy:

 

  
january embers:

 

  
bill nye: MIKEYYYY

 

  
bill nye: MIKE

 

  
mikey way: fucking what

 

  
bill nye: do you want to come to my house n watch movies

 

  
mikey way: too much hw bro sorry

 

  
january embers: guess i’m stuck with the gays then

 

  
angel?: wE cOuLd TaLk AbOuT bOyS ;;;^^

 

  
richayylmao: stop

 

  
bill nye: yeah if the three of you talk about boys i’m kicking you out of my house

 

  
richayylmao: but not stan tho right?

 

  
richayylmao: you’d never kick stan out of your house ;;;^^

 

  
bill nye: this is your second warning richard


	4. Vase Knockers

richayylmao: hey

 

  
richayylmao: eddie spaghetti

 

  
angel?: stop texting the gc and watch the movie you spoon

 

  
richayylmao: the only spoon i am is the big spoon to your mother ;^

 

  
richayylmao: ow! stop hitting me!

 

  
angel?: stfu trashmouth

 

  
bill nye: guys my living room isn’t as big as a movie theater so me n stan n bev would appreciate it if you didn’t flirt right in front of us

 

  
richayylmao: i’m-

 

  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

  
mikey way: so i’m praying for you three that eddie and richie didn’t make out during the movie?

 

  
eggboy: same

 

  
angel?: oh my god we’re not together

 

  
january embers: they did

 

  
richayylmao: NO WE DIDN’T TF

 

  
stan: then what was all that crashing i heard from the kitchen when you two went to “go get popcorn?”

 

  
angel?: um

 

  
richayylmao: ,,,,

 

  
bill nye: i knew it

 

  
richayylmao: actually,,,,

 

  
richayylmao: billy,,,

 

  
angel?: richie knocked down a vase

 

  
richayylmao: NO I DIDN’T IT WAS YOU

 

  
bill nye: wtf guys

 

  
bill nye: which one bc one of the “vases” on the kitchen counter was my great grandmother’s urn

 

  
richayylmao: who the fuck keeps an urn in a kitchen

 

  
bill nye: idk ask my mother

 

  
angel?: it was a baby blue

 

  
richayylmao: and who the fuck says “baby blue”

 

  
angel?: beep beep richie

 

  
bill nye: oh my god you guys

 

  
bill nye: are you sure it was baby blue

 

  
angel?: WE DIDN’T SEE ASHES COME OUT OF IT I SWEAR

 

  
bill nye: ,,,,,

 

  
bill nye: lol played ya

 

  
bill nye: nah that’s just an empty flower pot my dad still had yet to get rid of

 

  
bill nye: i hated it anyway

 

  
richayylmao: thank fuck

 

  
angel?: is every word that comes out of your mouth “fuck?”

 

  
angel?: honestly

 

  
richayylmao: nah more like 70%

 

  
richayylmao: the other 30% is “shit”

 

  
angel?: congrats you can do math

 

  
bill nye: so proud of my son

 

  
richayylmao: i’m a big kid now

 

  
richayylmao: wait bill you admit to being our mother??

 

  
bill nye: no-

 

  
stan: are you guys seriously still on this

 

  
mikey way: aNYWAYS off of the fact bill and stan are all of our parents

 

  
mikey way: are you guys still at bill’s house or what?

 

  
stan: just me

 

  
january embers:

 

  
january embers: bill n stan aren’t you a little old for sleepovers?

 

  
eggboy: this is just what your parents have feared:

 

  
eggboy: bill is gay and stan’s staying the night so they can ;^ y’know

 

  
bill nye: fcuking sd sokldsjf

 

  
stan: ben no

 

  
angel?: lol and you got onto me n richie for making out

 

  
angel?: wHICH WE DIDN’T MIND YOU

 

  
stan: still confused on how you “knocked down a vase”

 

  
january embers: “knocked down a vase” should be the new euphemism for doin the do

 

  
**eggboy changed richayylmao’s name to vase knocker**

 

  
vase knocker: seriously

 

  
**january embers changed angel?’s name to vase**

 

 

eggboy: omf-

 

  
vase: ARE YOU KIDDING

 

  
vase: I WOULDN’T BE BOTTOM

 

  
january embers: take it as you will

 

  
vase knocker: eddie that’s the only thing you care about rn

 

  
eggboy: yeah have you seen yourself? everyone here knows you’re a bottom obv

 

  
january embers: ooh this one was hard to figure out but-

 

  
**january embers changed stan’s name to vase knocker #2**

 

  
**january embers changed bill nye’s name to vase #2**

 

  
vase #2: i came out to have a good time and i’m honestly feeling so attacked rn

 

  
vase knocker #2: uGh we are all literally 15

 

  
eggboy: hmm interesting that doesn’t exactly sound like complaining about stenbrough

 

  
january embers: nice ship name

 

  
vase: y’know what since this probably can’t be prevented anyway

 

  
vase: BILLY

 

  
vase #2: what

 

  
vase: US VASES HAVE TO STICK TOGETHER

 

  
january embers: omh i can’t breathe

 

  
vase knocker: y’all play too much smh

 

  
vase knocker: so stan the man i didn’t exactly strike you as the knocker type

 

  
vase knocker #2: last warning richard don’t even test me

 

  
vase knocker: hmm sounds like you need to get some stress out and knock a vase

 

  
vase knocker #2: hmm

 

  
vase knocker #2: i wonder what would happen if i just

 

  
vase knocker #2: tell eddie’s mother that you two made out so you’d never be able to see him again?

 

  
vase knocker: you wouldn’t dare

 

  
vase knocker #2: oh but i would

 

  
vase: fuck

 

  
january embers: it’s a battle of the alphas you guys

 

  
mikey way: i read this in a fanfic once

 

  
vase #2: stan don’t do that you know how eddie’d feel

 

  
vase #2: he didn’t even do anything

 

  
vase: yeah and richie shut your mouth while you’re at it

 

  
eggboy: #trueboyfriends

 

  
vase knocker: fine

 

  
vase knocker #2: sure but richie started it so it’s technically his fault

 

  
vase knocker: oh nice stan trash the trashmouth

 

  
vase: shut

 

  
vase #2: the

 

  
vase: fuck

 

  
vase #2: up

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you all so much for your support! this is my first professional-ish work on ao3 since i deleted my other work so i'm kinda surprised on how well it's doing lmao
> 
> anyways, thanks again so much for your encouragement and i hope you all have a wonderful evening/day!


	5. Dogs and... Feelings?

january embers: have any of you ever realized that we ship everyone in this group chat except for mike

  
  


vase knocker: is this what you think about in your free time

  
  


**vase knocker changed their name to richayylmao**

  
  


january embers: lol and you don’t??

  
  


richayylmao: no

  
  


january embers: PETITION TO GET MIKE A GIRLFRIEND

  
  


**vase changed their name to rawr XD**

  
  


rawr XD: does anyone in the school even know mike

  
  


richayylmao: fucking emo

  
  


rawr XD: who asked

  
  


richayylmao: it’s okay i still love you eddie spaghetti

  
  


rawr XD: don’t judge the emos shrek boi

  
  


richayylmao: brb still trying to figure out why you’re an emo

  
  


january embers: why does your guys’ flirting always get us off task

  
  


january embers: keep the pda to a low you guys

  
  


**rawr XD changed january embers’s name to mike’s new gf**

  
  


mike’s new gf: fuck you

  
  


rawr XD: don’t mess with emos

  
  


rawr XD: whoop

  
  


**rawr XD changed richayylmao’s name to shrek**

  
  


mike’s new gf: aw cute the emo and the meme king

  
  


mike’s new gf: you guys are matching name goals

  
  


**eggboy changed mike’s new gf’s name to ben’s gf**

  
  


ben’s gf: aw babe

  
  


rawr XD: keep the pda to a low you guys

  
  


shrek: i thought we were supposed to be finding mike a girlfriend

  
  


rawr XD: you see richie has his priorities straight

  
  


shrek: yeah but you’re my first priority so i guess they aren’t too straight now are they

  
  


eggboy: OOF

  
  


rawr XD: was that a burn or were you complimenting me? you’re confusing at this point

  
  


**ben’s gf to shrek**

  
  


ben’s gf: he’s so oblivious bless him

  
  


shrek: help me

  
  


**stupid™**

  
  


shrek: it was a burn obv

  
  


rawr XD: but you’re gay too?? 

  
  


ben’s gf: OFF SUBJECT

  
  


ben’s gf: so who in our school actually knows mike?

  
  


shrek: idk he was homeschooled for most of his life sO

  
  


ben’s gf: get him a date with millie bobby brown i think he’d be happy

  
  


mikey way: true

  
  


ben’s gf: WOW MIKE HI

  
  


ben’s gf: I MEAN

  
  


ben’s gf: WHAT??

  
  


shrek: we weren’t talking about getting you a girlfriend

  
  


rawr XD: totally

  
  


mikey way: guys you really don’t tho?? i’m going to be single for my entire life it’s okay

  
  


mikey way: i’ll get 20 cats instead

  
  


mikey way: plus i’m not really looking for a relationship

  
  


ben’s gf: #notbelievableenoughformyliking

  
  


mikey way: just get me a dog

  
  


shrek: okay

  
  


ben’s gf: but where would we get the money for that tho

  
  


mikey way: guys i was kidding

  
  


shrek: nah i saw this thing on facebook where this woman was giving up free puppies

  
  


rawr XD: “facebook” omg i’m dead

  
  


rawr XD: YOU HAVE A FACEBOOK

  
  


shrek: don’t judge the smart people in life 

  
  


shrek: and you have no room to talk mr musical.ly

  
  


shrek: i’ve seen them and i’m not surprised you’re gay

  
  


rawr XD: oof 

  
  


rawr XD: i made those a long time ago okay leave me alone

  
  


shrek: yeah sure the last one you made was 4 fucking months ago

  
  


shrek: anyways i could get one for you

  
  


mikey way: i feel like this is all gonna go wrong but,,,

  
  


mikey way: breed?

  
  


shrek: hold on lemme check

  
  


ben’s gf: wow can’t believe we’re getting someone a dog and it’s not even their birthday

  
  


ben’s gf: are you sure your family will be cool with this?

  
  


mikey way: they’ve wanted a dog for a while too so yeah

  
  


mikey way: might as well surprise them

  
  


shrek: uh australian shepherd

  
  


shrek: there’s some black ones and then some red-ish brown ones with gray

  
  


mikey way: OOF RED MERLE

  
  


mikey way: sexes?

  
  


ben’s gf: SDKLFalksa

  
  


mikey way: it’s the same thing as gender calm yourself

  
  


rawr XD: NO IT’S NOT!! ! 1 !!!

  
  


rawr XD: AND JUST FOR YOUR INFORMATION THERE ARE ONLY 2 SEXES AND THERE ARE 52 GENDERS FUCK YOU !1!!

  
  


shrek: woah calm down there tumblr feminist

  
  


shrek: 1 black one that’s a girl, 1 of the red ones is a boy and the other two are girls

  
  


mikey way: oof darn u to heck dad imma just take one of the red merle girls

  
  


ben’s gf: what has this become

  
  


ben’s gf: this used to be a group chat now it’s a dog adopting center

  
  


rawr XD: “darn u to heck dad?”

  
  


shrek: you’re in luck my d00d i can pick her up tmrw morning and bring her over to your house?

  
  


mikey way: sweet

  
  


ben’s gf: can we get off of the puppers and onto the fact

  
  


ben’s gf: wait wrong chat

  
  


**ben’s gf to shrek**

  
  


ben’s gf: pls talk to your boyfriend

  
  


shrek: hE’s NoT mY bOyFrIeNd

  
  


shrek: yet

  
  


ben’s gf: thought you just said yeet but either way tHAT’S THE SPIRIT

  
  


ben’s gf: pls he hasn’t even rejected you anytime you talk about liking him

  
  


shrek: you’re blind then

  
  


ben’s gf: looks like i’m not the blind one here

  
  


ben’s gf: i’m just a friend who cares about people enough to want them to just stop the pointless flirting and suck faces

  
  


shrek: now that doesn’t sound very pleasant

  
  


ben’s gf: see he’s even rubbing off you

  
  


ben’s gf: you egg

  
  


shrek: ik ik but just,,, anytime i drop hints he doesn’t notice,,,, at all?? and like sometimes i like being called the dynamic duo because he doesn’t deny that or ignore it

  
  


shrek: and i just want to hold his dUmB hAnD aNd LoOk HiM iN tHe EyE aNd TeLl HiM hOw MuCh He MeAnS tO mE

  
  


shrek: and tell him how much i love his stupid habits that he hates he does

  
  


shrek: and everything’s just shit

  
  


ben’s gf: oh hon

  
  


ben’s gf: how long have you been keeping this in?

  
  


shrek: four years

  
  


ben’s gf: sweetie

  
  


ben’s gf: please talk to him

  
  


shrek: i’ll ask him to talk to me after i drop off mikey’s dog tomorrow

  
  


**stupid™**

  
  


vase #2: guess you guys can’t handle the parents being gone

  
  


vase knocker #2: nope

  
  


**vase #2 changed their name to mommy**

  
  


**vase knocker #2 changed their name to daddy**

  
  


rawr XD: are you guys,,,

  
  


rawr XD: okay??

  
  


mommy: we’re fine you nugget lmao

  
  


ben’s gf: #debatable

  
  


eggboy: is stenbrough canon yet

  
  


mikey way: we’ve been waiting

  
  


daddy: is that our ship name?

  
  


mikey way: yup

  
  


daddy: then yes

  
  


mikey way: …

  
  


eggboy: …

  
  


rawr XD: THIS IS A PRANK I CAN SMELL IT

  
  


shrek: okay if stan admits it and bill doesn’t?? then this is no prank bro

  
  


mommy: fuck

  
  


ben’s gf: I LOVE YOU AND THANK YOU FOR FINALLY ADMITTING YOUR FEELINGS

  
  


**mommy to rawr XD**

  
  


mommy: unlike some people

  
  


mommy: <-<

  
  


rawr XD: stfu

  
  


**stupid™**

  
  


shrek: wow then congrats you guys

  
  


shrek: i knew this day would be coming but hey might as well be in the same day mike gets a dog

  
  


rawr XD: <3  congratulations gays

  
  


rawr XD: i mean guys

  
  


shrek: no you didn’t

  
  


rawr XD: wow you know me so well

  
  


ben’s gf: you bet he does

  
  


ben’s gf: i mean

  
  


**ben’s gf to shrek**

  
  


shrek: BEV

  
  


ben’s gf: I’M SO RR Y

  
  


**stupid™**

  
  


rawr XD: okay then

  
  


daddy: wow thanks you guys

  
  


mommy: bet you guys didn’t see that one coming ;^)

  
  


shrek: wOw no i was totally oblivious

  
  


rawr XD: you mean like always

  
  


shrek: what

  
  


**mommy to rawr XD**

  
  


mommy: are you seriously flirting right after we confessed

  
  


rawr XD: no

  
  


rawr XD: but i’m kinda thinking of telling him

  
  


mommy: OOF

 

mommy: have fun and tell me how it goes <3

  
  


rawr XD: thanks mom

  
  


**rawr XD to shrek**

  
  


rawr XD: richie i kinda need to talk to you about stuff that’s been happening recently

  
  


**ben’s gf to shrek**

  
  


shrek: [screenshot]

  
  


shrek: FUCK

  
  


ben’s gf: woah woah woah calm down you don’t even know what eddie’s talking about yet

  
  


ben’s gf: just talk to him

  
  


shrek: fcuking  k

  
  


**rawr XD to shrek**

  
  


shrek: yeah sure go ahead eddie spaghetti

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> and that's where i'm gonna end this chapter, folks! i am so so sorry for the long wait but i got sick and writing didn't exactly help. this chapter was extra long so it may seem a bit wonky to read. again, thank you all so much for your support and i'll talk to you again in the next chapter!


	6. #Outed

**rawr XD to shrek**

 

shrek: yeah sure go ahead eddie spaghetti

 

rawr XD: i’ve had something i think is kind of important to tell you

 

rawr XD: it mostly began ever since you started fake flirting with me

 

**ben’s gf to shrek**

 

shrek: [screenshot]

 

shrek: I FUCKING MESSED UP

 

ben’s gf: calm down!

 

ben’s gf: please just keep talking to him and keep me updated

 

**rawr XD to shrek**

 

shrek: eds i’m so sorry i did that

 

shrek: well,,,, **do that

 

shrek: i swear i’ll stop

 

rawr XD: no no no it’s not that heh

 

rawr XD: i’ve just

 

rawr XD: ik this sounds really weird coming from me,,, one of your best friends since,,,, ever,,,,

 

rawr XD: i have feelings for you

 

rawr XD: and i’ve liked you ever since you’ve shown interest in me specifically

 

**ben’s gf to shrek**

 

shrek: [screenshot]

 

shrek: help i’m dying

 

ben’s gf: FCUK

 

**rawr XD to shrek**

 

shrek: wow

 

shrek: boy do i feel odd

 

rawr XD: i’m sorry if i weirded you out i just had to tell you

 

shrek: haha boy do i have a story for you

 

**mommy to rawr XD**

 

rawr XD: [screenshot]

 

rawr XD: mom help me please

 

mommy: shit uh

 

mommy: i don’t even know what to say to that

 

**rawr XD to shrek**

 

shrek: the flirting wasn’t fake eddie spaghetti

 

shrek: ever since middle school started, i knew you were the one

 

rawr XD: excuse me just finishing my heart attack

 

shrek: i was gonna tell you earlier but i couldn’t bring myself to it

 

shrek: unlike me, you had the balls

 

shrek: my best coping mechanism was flirting and dropping hints

 

shrek: too bad for me since you were too dense to notice

 

rawr XD: that was literally the cheesiest thing i have ever heard

 

shrek: eddie i trusted you with my heart and then you just throw it away like this

 

rawr XD: i was the one who confessed first just fyi

 

shrek: and i’m glad you did eddie spaghetti, or else we’d both end up without a wonderful person by our sides

 

rawr XD: ,,,

 

rawr XD: was that flirting?

 

shrek: you bet

 

rawr XD: wow we’d really have no chance unless i brought this up would we

 

shrek: no we really wouldn’t

 

rawr XD: this is literally my first time with literal feelings and i’m so confused on what to do

 

shrek: this is generally the point where one of us asks the other out

 

shrek: soooo,,,, will you go out with me?

 

rawr XD: no

 

shrek: …

 

rawr XD: jk jk yes x100

 

shrek: dOn’T dO tHaT sHiT

 

rawr XD: sorry not sorry

 

rawr XD: now i feel like we’ve stolen bill n stan’s day,,,

 

rawr XD: like proposing on their wedding night or smthn

 

shrek: you’re so new to this omg

 

shrek: it’s so cute

 

rawr XD: stfu i’m having a crisis

 

shrek: it’s okay they’ll support us either way

 

shrek: and it’s not like we don’t have any respect for them

 

rawr XD: true…

 

shrek: don’t worry babe i’ve got this dating thing down

 

rawr XD: sure richie

 

rawr XD: s u r e

 

shrek: excuse you i’m the man of this relationship

 

rawr XD: not if i dirty talk you

 

shrek: woah calm down eddie spaghetti we’ve been together for like five minutes

 

rawr XD: whoop

 

rawr XD: tell the others?

 

shrek: i have an idea,,,

 

**stupid™**

 

**shrek has changed their name to eleven**

 

**rawr XD has changed their name to mike**

 

eggboy: what does this mean

 

ben’s gf: I’M SO HAPPY FOR YOU GUYS

 

mommy: congrats wow i never knew this was gonna happen

 

eleven: wait bill you knew??

 

mike: bev??

 

ben’s gf: hey we all have friends who keep us updated

 

mikey way: Y’ALL GAYS NEED TO CALM DOWN

 

mommy: who’s a gay

 

daddy: so thoughtful bill

 

mommy: SHHHH

 

mommy: i wish this was a group phone call so you guys could hear billy scream in anger

 

mikey way: georgie??

 

mike: great timing bud

 

mommy: which one of you is the real mike

 

mike: i am, obviously ;^)))

 

mikey way: whaddup i’m jared i’m nineteen and i never fucking learned how to read

 

mommy: okay that one is mike but that’s a bad word

 

mommy: who is that mike one

 

mike: get to del taco

 

mike: they got a new thing called freesha vocadoo

 

mommy: richie

 

eleven: georgie why do you have bill’s phone

 

mommy: he set it down in the kitchen without turning it off so i took it

 

mike: now this is the type of kid i want

 

eleven: richie we’re too early in a relationship for that

 

mommy: does richie have a new girlfriend

 

mommy: eleven are you bev

 

eggboy: OMFG

 

eleven: actually,,,,

 

ben’s gf: georgie i’m bev

 

mommy: then who

 

eleven: richie hasn’t had a single girlfriend in his life

 

mommy: what about rachel who was she

 

eleven: a fake person

 

mommy: THEN WHO ARE YOU

 

mike: that’s eddie spaghetti

 

mommy: …

 

mommy: so those are the gays

 

eggboy: OMFG X2

 

daddy: georgie i’d just like to inform you that your brother is also gay

 

mommy: does that mean he’s dating stan

 

ben’s gf: guys i can’t breathe

 

daddy: i’m stan, and yes he is

 

mommy: you guys are too confusing

 

mommy: have fun billy’s coming back now

 

eggboy: this is why you don’t leave your unlocked phone around 10 year olds or else they’ll find out you’re gay and dating your best friend

 

mikey way: is no one going to discuss the fact that georgie knew what a gay was and that he knew he would date stan

 

mikey way: as well as the fact that he didn’t even ask about why his name was mommy

 

mike: well billy must’ve had to have someone to rant to

 

mommy: i just read through the chat and wHaT tHe FuCk

 

eleven: welcome back bill

 

mommy: i just got outed by my bf to my brother??

 

eggboy: so much has happened

 

ben’s gf: i don’t think i could even live if every day was this gay


	7. Stan Stop

eleven: hEy what’s Up you gUys

  


mike: ew why are you here again

  


eleven: we’re dating, babe, i have to go with you everywhere ;^

  


mike: everywhere??

  


eleven: everywhere ;;;;;^^^^

  


mommy: he didn’t consent

  


mommy: stop forcing him to drink tea

  


daddy: why must you two flirt in the group chat

  


daddy: at least the rest of us have the decency to flirt among ourselves

  


mikey way: still here guys

  


mommy: except for mike

  


mommy: mike is forever alone

  


mike: i’d say same but i guess i’m stuck with an idiot now

  


eleven: you know you love me ;;;^^^

  


mike: i do know that

  


ben’s gf: tAkE yOuR tOmFoOlErY sOmEwHeRe ElSe

  


mommy: how would you two feel if me n stan flirted in the group chat all the time huh??

  


eleven: i don’t think you guys are even capable of that

  


mike: you’re too awkward tbh

  


mommy: well fuck you too we actually have some modesty left thank you very much

  


eleven: i guess it’s someone’s time of the month

  


daddy: ?? that’s not even possible you know

  


eleven: precious

  


mike: you guys are such bubbleheads you’re obviously made for each other

  


ben’s gf: why don’t we do something useful for once??

  


eggboy: preach

  


mikey way: like what

  


ben’s gf: idk? truth or dare and things like that

  


eggboy: how about would you rather??

  


mikey way: voted

  


mommy: i’m the mother here and i decide what goes

  


eleven: ,,,,,,

  


daddy: we’re both the parents shouldn’t i have a say in this too

  


mommy: fine

  


**mommy to daddy**

  


mommy: you think we should do this?? or will it end up in tears

  


daddy: why are you taking this so seriously it’s just a game

  


mommy: IT’S LIFE OR DEATH HERE STANLEY

  


**stupid™**

  


mikey way: they’re conversing amongst themselves

  


eggboy: how precious

  


**mommy to daddy**

  


daddy: just play the damn game

  


mommy: not in mY household will you use that language mister

  


daddy: we’re married

  


daddy: i’m not your son

  


**stupid™**

  


mommy: a decision has been made

  


mommy: we’re playing the game

  


eggboy: nice

  


eleven: i like to have fun fun fun fun fun fun fun fun fun fUn

  


daddy: with yourself yeah yeah we get it richie

  


mikey way: woah there calm down

  


eleven: gosh stan you know me so well ;^

  


ben’s gf: stop winking and start the game

  


eleven: everyone’s against me today smh

  


eleven: you’ll regret it in the future when i’m married to eddie with three kids and you ask to come and see them and i say no

  


mommy: just stfu because you’re embarrassing yourself and we all just need to start the game

  


mommy: bEv

  


ben’s gf: what

  


mommy: would you rather kiss richie on the cheek or die

  


eleven: seriously bill

  


ben’s gf: die

  


ben’s gf: eddie would you rather kiss richie or die

  


mike: die

  


eleven: babe ;’^(

  


mike: jk jk kiss richie ily

  


eleven: ilyt

  


ben’s gf: gross

  


eleven: you’re the one who asked ;^

  


daddy: trashmouth would you rather live in a reality where all of your wishes come true or live in the real world?

  


eleven: excuse my poetry

  


eleven: but i’d rather live in the real world bc my biggest wish has already been granted

  


eleven: i’m with eddie

  


mommy: stan why would you do this

  


mike: AWW

  


eggboy: at first this was my biggest ship but now richie’s just throwing around flirtations and cheesy pickup lines

  


eleven: at least i’m not throwing around curse words

  


mike: you still do tho

  


eleven: i trusted you and you did this to my heart

  


mike: ben would you rather give up bathing for a month or give up internet for a month

  


eggboy: i can’t live without either uGgGGgggGHH

  


eleven: choose or let bev die

  


eggboy: fORK

  


mikey way: when you try to be innocent

  


eggboy: iNtErNeT i GuEsS

  


eleven: #weak

  


mike: wtf i would break up with you if you stopped bathing for a month

  


eleven: you just can’t handle my manly scent

  


mike: “manly”

  


mike: sure, “eleven”

  


eleven: leave me aLOne

  


eggboy: bev would you rather never have to work again or never have to sleep again (won’t feel side effects)?

  


ben’s gf: hell i’d rather never have to work again and sleep forever that’s like my dream my dude

  


mike: isn’t that like all of our dreams tho

  


eggboy: true

  


mike: babe would you rather peel off a fingernail or stick a toothpick under your toenail and kick a wall really hard??

  


eleven: what the fuck

  


eleven: I HATE YOU SO MUCH BUT I ALSO LOVE YOU A LOT

  


mike: sorry bro

  


mikey way: babe to bro in 0.2 seconds wow rich it must not be your day

  


eleven: shut the fuck up miKe

  


eleven: i refuse to answer this question

  


daddy: i’d rather stick a toothpick under my toenail and kick a wall really hard at least five times

  


mike: sTaN wHaT tHe FuCk

  


eleven: well billy i guess that’s the type of person he is in bed then

  


mommy: shut up richard

  


ben’s gf: GUYS ISLAND IN THE SUN CAME ON MY PANDORA AND I’M HONESTLY NOT OKAY RN

  


mikey way: i guess weezer’s trying to say something about stenbrough then lmao

  


mommy: why are you guys so this way

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry again for the long wait you guys!

**Author's Note:**

> thanks again for all of your guys' support!


End file.
